I don’t give her the answers. There is nothing new about that. Her job is to do the work, my job is to help her get to the answer and correct her work when she is done.
Yet she sits across the room clutching her pencil, scowling at her math workbook. Salty trails of disappointment stain her face.
I almost give in…just give her the answers….calm her down, hold her close, protect her from disappointment and discouragement. But I don’t.
I know she can do this. This will stretch her, grow her, make her wiser, smarter.
We do this too, you know. We demand answers from God. Our hearts writhing in self-inflicted anguish as we pray over and over for answers….
…because we want them.
…because this is too hard.
…because I don’t want to do this, God, and maybe You will do it or take it away.
…because I can’t do this, and You must have the wrong woman.
…because I need a clear sign, not this feeling or peace, but a clear sign the undeniable answer from you.
And there we sit clutching life, scowling at the world…waiting for God to rescue us or relieve us or to change His mind.
Not to say that sometimes God doesn’t give us clear answers when we ask, but, at least in my life, more times than not there’s no clear answer. God wants me to grow into the answer…move and seek Him…the journey is the answer…the thing of faith stretching…growing more like Christ.
Isabel went on to finish her math work. Teary eyed and angry she trudged her way to perfect pages…not one mistake or wrong answer. I knew she knew it. I knew she could do it. And in the end, I hated that she tortured herself (and the rest of us) on her way there.
I know I do this. I pout and carry on and ask God over and over. Does He shake His head, waiting for me to move…to get it…to grow? How many times have I missed the joy in the journey, the heavenly kisses and divine appointments along the way because I am busy being angry?
Oh, yes, it is easy to miss the things of God. When we are “me-centered” and finite. When look through our clouded, childish earthly eyes. But when we search for holy…when we hit our knees and seek to see things through Him, from Him, for Him. When we know that whatever the problem, Jesus is the answer….faith in Him, love for Him and from Him, trust in Him…just Him.