Tears roll down my cheeks.
The inches between us become miles.
My stomach is in knots and I choke back sobs.
As truth rolls off my tongue, tears roll down my cheeks.
The weight of fear, misunderstanding, sin and hurt pushes down. I nearly hold my breath.
When I admit that my trust waivers, that I expect the worst. That I’m not the wife I should be because I don’t trust him…for no reason other that the baggage I’ve taken on in life.
The inches turn into miles. Miles into worlds and I wonder if the truth of my unbelief and mistrust will make this separation permanent.
The tears pour down my cheeks. The cool, damp trail reaches my chin.
Before I can blink or cry or exhale. His rough skin is against mine….thumb wiping away my tears.
His green eyes bore into my soul and a smile hangs gently on his lips. He’s wiped it away, this sin and folly. The worlds become miles and miles become inches…inches becomes a breath as he presses his forehead to mine.
And as we linger in this moment of forgiveness…of grace…I fall in love with him more…again…deeper still.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church… Ephesians 5:25
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. Revelation 21:4
In this moment of sweet grace inhaled and foreheads pressed together. I see it. I get it. I am humbled by it.
Jesus whispers of repentance and grace. Of longing to hear my heart cry out to Him. Of the day when He will wipe away every tear.
As my sin hung between us today and I held my breath I felt the weight of separation. Repentance bridges inches and miles. I realized the gap I create when my unbelief lures me into this space empty of love. Into a selfish pit where marriage struggles, where pride stirs up chaos, where Jesus is hidden from sight.
A rough, calloused finger…the touch of forgiveness….it made me think of His hands…the ones with the scars in His palms. Rough. Manly. Tough. Protective. Loving. Real.
And where repentance meets love, grace rains down.
Not tears. No, tears are wiped away. Instead there is the warm flow of grace that pours from Creator heart into created souls.
Bathed in afternoon sunshine we sit close on the couch and I get the picture.
How I push Jesus away too. Don’t trust. Don’t believe. Choose things that put space and time and sin between us.
Our inches become miles. Miles become worlds. And without Him there is space to fill. One that food, and stuff, and worldly pursuits don’t fit and leave empty. The Jesus space shaped by Him, for Him…of Him.
But when I offer the truth of the girl I am. When I name my sin and lay it down. Repent. Turn Away. Look to my Jesus. Worlds become inches. Scarred hands hold my heart and we are one step closer to the somedays and the eternity with Him. And one day…He will wipe away every tear.
Intimate. Close. This gesture of wiping away our tears. A tender moment with a bridegroom anxious to comfort and protect his bride. A Savior that knows the day, the hour, the moment when Comfort comes and grace rains down eternally.
I pray that I am becoming a woman worthy of the man I was blessed with. That my pursuit of Christ becomes the pursuit of my husband. That our marriage would be one of exhaled grace, of living but a breath away, of Christ honoring worship and life altering love.