Someone asked me recently, “What would you want them to know?”
We were discussing the two children I placed for adoption in my early twenties. “That I love them,” was my immediate response.
With a nod she said, “Of course they’ll know that. Just by your sacrifice. They’ll know that.”
That answer should have given me a warm fuzzy feeling. After all that’s what marks the experience of a birthmother, the experience of carrying a baby for nine months and kissing if fair well…giving them up. Sacrifice. Right?
But it didn’t.
You see, I want them to know I love them. That a day doesn’t go by that they are not in my thoughts and prayers. That everyday there is a hole that only they can fill. That as wonderful as my life is, it will never be complete until I look into their eyes and tell them I love them. That’s it, right there…that I can tell them I love them. I wait for the day when our relationship is not defined by any labels, letters or words spoken by others but of moments filled with life lived together. I wait to know their laughter, memorize their smiles and get to know them.
And it occurred to me as I began to ponder the longing and the waiting. That perhaps my experience as a birthmother is not so unlike Jesus’s experience of longing and waiting for us.
The stories of His sacrifice are universal, people who don’t even “believe” can recite the details of His birth and His death. But He wants more than just a nod at what He gave up for us.
He waits for us to look for Him – – to understand that He is more than any label or book or words spoken by others. He is God. He made your heart and wants to whisper His love to you daily.
I have no idea if (or when) I will get the chance to know my girls, but every day I have the opportunity to lay my heart in the scarred hands of the One who waits for me. The thought that Jesus loves me and longs for me has taken on a whole new meaning in my life as I view it through the lens of my own wanting and waiting for love.
What do you long for? A baby? A husband? A wife? Healing? How does it make you feel to know that there is someone that has that same passion and grief for you? Take a moment today and bask in the love that we so often take for granted. Thank Him for waiting for you.