His face contorted. His breath came in gasps. Tears poured from his baby blues.
“I don’t want to.”
This was the moment. The moment to take a stand. Not for the room that wasn’t clean. Not for the lie that claimed it was. This moment was about so much more.
Face to face with my crying son. Face to face with the want to deny our sins. To give these moments euphemisms. To gloss over our wrongs. Is to gloss over separation from God and the mercy of the cross…of forgiveness. Of redemption.
Such deep lessons he’ll learn later in life. He won’t grasp those now. And I won’t try to force them in.
No tonight is about honesty. Recognizing that we sin. That our actions hurt others. That if we aren’t honest in our repentance, it isn’t repentance.
Finally, through tears and sobs. The words came, “I lied.”
This wasn’t new information to me. Much like our sin isn’t new to God. He knows. He sees it before it comes. He sees it when we hide it behind “I forgot” “You know” “I don’t want to”.
Oh and when it comes. When we open our mouth and confess the things that have separated us from God. The things that have made us less than the children He calls us to be.
The warmth of mercy and grace descend. Like a hug from a mama just waiting for the moment to comfort and reassure. God whispers in that moment.
You are mine. And nothing, even these moments of dishonesty, can separate you from me.
And as he buries his face in my neck, his sobs calm, his tears slow. He melts into my arms. Settles into forgiveness and the enveloping relief.
His lips pressed against my chin he whispers, “I’m sorry.” Barely audible….his heart to mine. I whisper a kiss, “I forgive you.”
He pushes closer and I feel him sigh. Closer. Looking for that bond, the touch that says…you are mine…this hasn’t separated us.
And like so often happens in these everyday moments of motherhood, I feel closer to God. I understand our a connection…His and mine. I know the relief of grace, of forgiveness, of a bond that won’t be broken by my sin or my want to sweep it under the rug.
Settled into His arms I relax. I smile. For grace is the space where God whispers, “I forgive you.”